Sugar, You're Going Down

Have I bored you with my life?

Are you merely anticipating tips on being the healthiest, alcohol-loving college kid possible?

I understand.

With my vanity, I have no real interest in the lives of others - I merely ask “what’s new with you?” as a polite means to interject my own life.

I don’t blame you.

So, what exactly do you want to know?

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Resting metabolism is important.

A one-hour workout does not excuse 23 hours of couch potato.

Healthy food is expensive.

You will have to cut back on drinking.

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A good starting point? Reading this blog, obviously.

A balanced lifestyle starts with better choices, small choices.

No normal human being can 180 into Jillian Michaels (there she is again, that badass) and even if one tried, they would more than likely fail.

Remember - start with obtainable goals.

If you are in business, every professor and their mother emphasizes this.

Dr. Obvious, I understand I will not be a CEO tomorrow, but do I really need to explain this to you in a three-page paper? You know the information, I know the information, he, she wumbos.

We all wumbo.

Literally, any web search will state “start taking the stairs”, “go for a light, brisk walk”, “drink lemon water to curb appetite”, “try morning stretches” - we get it, Sharon.

They occasionally mention diet - as if healthy food is not 80% of the equation.

The old phrase “you are what you eat” rings truer than just the insult your best friend throws after scarfing down bacon, ya pig.

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Health is 80% diet 20% fitness.

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Food is energy - the body literally breaks down food and uses the little food particles to rebuild new cells for skin, gut tissue, all tissues, brain, the sloshy goop around the brain, hair, etc.

I AM A BUSINESS MAJOR AND YOU ARE MORE THAN LIKELY NOT A DOCTOR SO IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY MY UN-TECHNICAL PHRASING OF BODY PARTS I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU TO CHECK MY CREDIBILITY WITH MY MOTHER (mother@fakemail.com) OR ROOMMATES (987-654-3210).

Unless you are interested in being the latest showcase on TLC: My Strange Addiction or some other quirky show that capitalizes on the mental illnesses of others by becoming the “Ultimate GMO Being” - then you need to stop eating overly processed food.

Who wants to be rebuilt with pesticides, toxins, and syrups? Yuck.

“Processed food” stretches further than McSicky’s or Burger Stink.

Much of the grocery store classics are just as harmful.

Harm may be a tad strong ... the food will not sock it to anyone’s right eye, but it will enable candida (future blog post explanation), raise blood pressure, cause acne breakouts, and sell your soul!

Advertising and marketers are geniuses.

I know this because I am one - please hire me.

These geniuses have convinced uninformed people that a simple stamp or certain colored package can contain the oasis of health.

Read the ingredients!!

Has anyone else noticed that the color green has infiltrated much of the health market foods and restaurants? I always think of First Watch with their new ‘rustic’ green, Earthy vibe - I dig it.

Check to see how many ingredients can actually be pronounced by someone other than Akeelah from the spelling bee, then notice how much of the food is created using those substances.

Do any of those seem like actual food?

Scared? Check the sugar.

When the body is flooded with too much processed sugar at a time, obesity occurs.

Glucose vs. Fructose

These are the two types of sugars.

Carbs are converted into glucose, a sugar that provides energy. To help cells utilize this energy, glucose also triggers the pancreas to release insulin into the bloodstream. Insulin, a hormone, allows glucose to enter the cells and be used as energy.

Fructose exists naturally in fruits and vegetables, but is also added to common processed foods like sodas, juices, candy, sweetened yogurt and cereals. Fructose does not trigger insulin, making it difficult for cells to absorb this sugar for energy. Instead, fructose behaves more similarly to fat and is processed in the liver.

“Processed in the liver”.

As your poor liver is still suffering from Saturday night, it will seek revenge by converting your syrup and powdered sugared covered pancake “I deserve this” brunch with mimosas into fat.

Not trying to get ya to ditch the pancakes for life - geez, I don’t care that much about your diet. Also not trying to reprimand anyone’s occasional splurge.

Enjoy the pancakes now and then.

A little speck is sexy.

Just be conscious of the splurge and treat it as such.

Speaking of fat, just because a box or bag is labeled “reduced fat” or “fat free” does not make the food some miracle snack. Fat does not make a person fat. (Well, in excess but anything out of moderation can create issues).

Crazy! So sugar creates fat, not fat? Wow! Sounds like the perfect misconception to advertise in order for food corporations to maintain a multi-million dollar industry for the mere sake of money!! Buy low, synthetic ingredients, sell at a high, overly-processed price!!!

Great economics!!!

Creating excess fat is just the start - overconsumption of sugar can lead to diabetes, heart disease, fuels candida overgrowth, raises cholesterol and is highly addictive!!

Those are just a few reasons, I assure there are more!!

“Sugar is more addictive than cocaine.”

Can anyone who has snorted a line and had a spoonful of sugar verify this claim?

This is college folks, there’s has to be someone!

Processed sugar could fuel this post as efficiently as it fuels obesity, but I cannot reveal all my tips in a singular post - what kind of magician does that?

Plus, readers would miss out on the latest updates of my life as I sprinkle them in!

I am an only child, give me your attention!!!

What is humorous is most individuals begin giving a shit about health solely to look good, but with increased knowledge you will be just as obnoxious as I and read the ingredients of lotions, perfumes, toothpaste and wear sunscreen everyday of your life! Ha Ha!

I will save you a seat in my bubble next to Jake Gyllenhaal.